PTSD PPH.

So on the 16th Of Dec I had my baby girl at 39+2 after being induced. During labour i was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia after having symptoms for 3 months, midwives refused to diagnose me as my bloods were fine. My water was broke and contractions started, my labor lasted 4 hours 51 minutes in total. My baby perfectly healthy after 4/5 pushes she was out weighing 8lbs10oz. But when delivering the placenta i suffered a PPH, where i lost 3.5L's of blood and had to have 3 blood transfusions.

Up until the other night i remembered very little of what had happened. Now I remember most of it. My emotions are high. I feel useless, worthless, hopeless. I can remember the physical pain of birthing the placenta and the feeling of the blood rushing out of me. I remember laying on the bed with 10 doctors around me, my SO to my right crying and pale as he watched the blood pour out of me. I remember being asked if i was ok and responding by nodding my head, but inside my mind i was screaming in pain.

I'm 21. Anytime i hear my baby cry uncontrollably i'm reminding of that day. When I look at my SO and he looks tired or pale, I remember the look on his face as they pushed him out of the room.

I'm going to go to the doctors tomorrow to get an appt to speak to a doctor about where we can go from here. I'm tired, exhausted and distressed.

Any words of advice would be much appreciated x