I don’t understand. We lost our baby on December 7th. We’ve been fighting non stop.

On the way to the ER as we were losing her, he asked the mother of his 4 year old to take him. She said “I can’t. I have a Christmas party for work and if I don’t go, I won’t get my $1,000 bonus.” I knew that was a lie from the get. But of course we had something more important to think about so we did what we had to do. Drive his son to his aunts house 15 minutes in the opposite direction of our hospital. Which means I went into labor in the car and had to go to a different hospital and unlucky for us, didn’t have an OB there.

I resent her so much for not taking her son. My fiancé doesn’t drive so I had to be in labor and drive all over our town bc of her.

I don’t think he understands my anger. He’s always trying to be the peace maker.

Today I had a follow up appointment to check me out since the loss. My fiancé asked his sons mother to watch him for a few hours so we could both go. She said “yes. What ever hours I miss today, I can make up tomorrow because I’m

Working anyways.” He told her we would be back by 2pm. Between 2 and 2:20 she sent him 5 text messages asking when we would be back bc her boss was “breathing down her neck” about her time.

I thought she’d make up the hours the next day? Again. She’s lying. I don’t work so I take care of their son, my soon to be step son, all day. Wake up early to drive my fiancé to work, then stay up all day taking care of his son, clean the house while the son naps, then drive back to pick him up. His sons mother lives in the same apartment building as us. Works from home. And only sees her son for 2 hours a day. That’s it.

I’m so sick of how she gets away with being a shit mom, a lazy mom. Even on the weekends, she doesn’t ask to see him until 6-7 pm and then he comes home at 8-9.

Anyways, after our apt today and her texting him numerous times over being late by 20 minutes, I lost it. I freaked out saying how I think she’s a terrible person. We are at an apt for a loss we had. She needs to take her son and enjoy her time with him and shut the fuck up. I truly lost it. It causes a fight between us of course. It always does.

When we got home, I fell asleep. I was so tired from crying at the apt then crying over our fight. So I laid down and fell asleep. When I woke up I got water and came back to the bedroom to be alone. I’m sitting in the dark cross legged with my face in my hands. Dog tired and stressed. My fiancé comes in and asks me what’s wrong. I say “nothing I’m just tired” because I can’t handle another fight. I can’t. So he starts freaking out saying how I’m putting a wall up, I’m shutting him out, and I’m lying about being tired just so I don’t have to talk to him.

So here we go. Another fight. During this fight he tells me “fuck you” 3 times. Then gives me the finger..as he’s crying. So I tell him that me and him are over because that’s not the first time he’s said that to me.

He also said that me sitting in the dark cross legged on the bed makes me look like a mental patient. I never call him names. I yell about why I’m upset then I shut down. He goes real low sometimes.

I don’t think I’ll ever be ok with this woman in my life. I truly hate her. She’s done so much I could go on for days. She told her 4 year old that he can’t poop at her house anymore because she doesn’t want to smell it.

He says that when he does go there, that she smokes “stinky stuff” in her room with the door shut after she puts him in the other room and shuts that door as well.

What do I do from here? I’m so lost and angry. I feel like giving up. But part of me is holding on to the best of him.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks ladies.