Constant oral herpes breakouts 😭

I literally have constant oarl herpes outbreaks. I get them 3 to 4 times a month and outbreaks often overlap. I got the virus as a child. I get sores on my gums, tongue, and lips. Its given me severe OCD. I feel disgusting and contagious all of the time. I have a 6 month old baby and constantly wash my hands. I don't let her touch my face or hair. I don't even want to get to close to her for fear of spitting when I talk and infecting her. I wash her clothes and toys meticulously. I breastfeed so that she gets my antibodies. I cry all the time because I have never kissed my baby. I am afraid of just holding her to close. I am in therapy for my OCD but its not helping. I'm so sad and defeated. I hate living this way. I just want to cuddle and love my little girl and I can't. What kind of mother am I really. I fucking hate that I am this way. I'm so anxious and nervous all the time. I don't like to take the baby out in public because I can't always wash my hands before touching her. I don't know what the fuck to do I hate myself so much. I'm never comfortable I always feel like I'm going to infect everyone. I don't talk about this ever so I'm just getting this off my chest.