Finding Myself in Motherhood

This body of mine.

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Did I “bounce back”? Not entirely. My body has been through the ringer this past year. From finding out about our baby last January to gaining 45 lbs to house and grow our little baby boy for 9 ( 10, let’s be honest) months, to giving birth and delivering my 8 lb baby boy over a 48 hr labor + 1 1/2 hours of pushing. My body was hit hard by labor and delivery and I needed weeks of recovery before starting any type of exercise program or getting back into my pre-baby workout routine. I started slow.

4 Months postpartum and I am finally back at my pre-pregnancy weight, but by no means do I have my pre-pregnancy body. I have stretch marks along my hips and thighs. Where muscle once was, softened arms, thighs, and legs replace it. The skin on my stomach sags from stretching too tight for too long, when Flynn decided to stay in a week and a half longer than expected. The dark line on the center of my stomach has faded but has not left, a reminder of the little life I once carried in my womb. I have days of confidence in my own skin, and days where I let my thoughts tumble and swirl in my mind, speaking lies and hatred towards my body. I am learning to love this change, but I would gladly go through this one hundred times over if it meant having my wonderful Flynn Alexander. I’m learning to love this new me—as if the old me has left. I’m reaching to find myself throughout this journey of motherhood, and as it turns out, there is more me here in this worn body of mine than there ever has been.