Today I feel defeated.

Today I find out for sure if this is a failed pregnancy.

They think it's a Blighted Ovum, so theres a Gestational Sac, Hormones, but no baby.

For the 2nd time I will have to have a D&C, within 4 months of the 1st one.

2 pregnancy losses in 4 months.

I'm only 22.

Ever since I was a little girl, I just KNEW being a mom was what I really wanted. All I want is a baby to hold. A baby to grow and take up space in my body. A baby I can feel kicking me. A baby to take home and feel so lucky for every day of my life. A baby that would take ma and my husbands best(or worst) traits, and be it's own person. A baby that would eventually call us "Mommy" and "Daddy"..

It helps there wasn't ever a real baby this time, but still upsetting. 2 ultrasounds have confirmed no baby, but we are doing a 3rd next week to be sure and then a D&C to follow. Today I meet with my midwife to discuss bloodwork and options.. I never thought I'd be doing this again. I'm not 1 in 4 anymore. I'm part of the 2% of women that have more than 1 miscarriage. My risks increase to 40% of having a miscarriage the 3rd time.

I know you all will understand, but I just dont know how I'll ever want to try again.. I'm feeling defeated today.