There’s so much going on that’s making me feel like this life may not be for me. I have felt like this for a a couple years but now it’s so overwhelming.

My dad doesn’t have enough money to pay for the house we have now since he is the only one earning money. I’m soon 17 and my brother is 15. He has been struggling a lot recently and I feel like he is blaming himself for this situation. We will most likely have to move away so he can get a better job and have someone to help him pay rent ( his girlfriend ). This means that I will start on a new school with no people I know and they’re all probably friends and I will be all alone. I like my school now since I have all my friends there and they motivate me to go to school, without them I probably would skip classes a lot. I have social anxiety too so that won’t help.

Also I was supposed to get paid 126$ a month for attending school for the 3 years ( I don’t live in America if you are confused ) which would give me 4520$ after graduation (!!!!!) and that would help my dad afford to live here and also give me some money for a future apartment. But they refuse to give me that money for some reason so why everyone is getting paid for attending class I won’t get one single penny. So basically I could just skip class everyday because it won’t make a difference.

I’m so tired of school. There’s always so much to do and I don’t have the motivation to do something I just want to lay in my bed all day and not do anything because I still won’t get good grades. Every school day is a new day with 8 hours of constant anxiety, we have so many presentations and that’s the worst thing I know. I always feel like I’m going to throw up or cry. I can never take a day to relax because there’s always homework or stuff I have to finish.

The only positive thing right now is my best friend. I am in love with him and he is the one thing that always make me smile. I don’t know if he feels the same way and I want to tell him about my feelings, I want to tell him how I feel, I want talk about this whole situation because I know he will make me feel better, I want to get this off my chest and tell someone and I know he’s the right one but I don’t know how to do it.

Everything is just so hard right now. I feel like my life isn’t worth living because everything sucks. I just want to give up it doesn’t feel like anything would change anyways, but I’m too much of a coward to commit suicide so I don’t know what to do. I feel like shit everyday and when I come home from school I always cry. I’m so tired of pretending to be okay when I want to disappear.

Please tell me what to do in this whole situation because I need help with literally everything. I don’t know how much more I can take before I give up