How would you handle this?

(If you want to skip the story behind it all, you can just skip to the bottom. I don’t think it’s too confusing. 🤔 thanks! )

BACKSTORY

My husband and I got married in 2017. I was always active but over the span of our two years together I’d been active - working out every day, tracking macros, etc. I was sitting at about 140lbs. When we met I was *battling* 15lbs I had gained from a nasty breakup about 8 months prior when I’d lost motivation. I wasn’t in any way overweight so I didn’t really worry much about those 15lbs. My husband was about 330 or so lbs when we started dating. He was never really active.

2 months after we started dating🔻

So 6 months before we were married I had gotten up to 165-170lbs. I was working out and tracking everything again but couldn’t lose the weight. Ended up having major thyroid issues and got it removed 3 months prior to our wedding and didn’t get my dose right until 2 months after the wedding. So I ended up at about the same. He on the other hand lost 100+ lbs in six months.

Bridal shower 3 months before wedding 🔻

So this is at about March 2018, we both said we wanted to lose weight together. We were trying to get on top of our health and we went to the dr to make sure we were both okay cause once we lost the weight we’d want to TTC. We weren’t in any rush. He had passed out two weeks prior and we weren’t sure why. He also had put back on a good chunk of his weight. Maybe 30-40lbs. HIS doctor said he lost so much weight (fat and muscle) so fast that his body couldn’t keep up with it. Probably because he was only doing cardio for 3-4 hours a day and skipping meals. MY doctor said it would be a good idea for me to lose the weight. I was about 180lbs and have prolactin issues and then at the time thyroid issues too cause my levels kept flunctuating and he informed me that I would have a very hard time getting and staying pregnant. Fantastic. This was a shock to both my husband and myself. I didn’t really even want kids before him but I knew it was always important to him. So instead of losing the weight first we TTC right away. We got pregnant 2 months later. Lost it a week after we found out.

Was going to be our announcement 🔻

Around this time, my SIL had a baby two months later. That was honestly difficult for us in private. Then my sister announced her pregnancy. We haven’t had a baby in my family for about 7 years so it was constantly in our face. We had stopped trying for about six months. I honestly believe we weren’t exactly depressed but it did take us a very long time and hit us hard - like it would anyone. The two of us coped very different. We loosely tried here and there but we weren’t really trying. My husband and I both gained more weight during this time. We had no motivation to eat well or workout. I got up to 180lbs and he got to about 265 over this span of time.

April 2019 🔻

SO this is when we were finally getting past it and we decided we wanted to lose the weight together. We started going on walks around the lake and cutting back. I went and got a new hairstyle and he got some new clothes and we were feeling back to our old ways. We tried for the first time and 2-3 weeks later I went to Biloxi the with my dad for a weekend getaway and my husband had the guys over for video games and I came back that Sunday after having many drinks at all the casinos. Granted I hadn’t had a period in 3 months. That was an ongoing issue for me. I got home, went to the bathroom and took a pregnancy test. I absolutely did not expect it but I was pregnant!

I found out on Mother’s Day so that was super sweet and when I told my husband we were both just shocked and nervous because we’d just had a miscarriage before when we got excited. So one thing led to another and all has been GREAT this pregnancy and now I’m 40+ weeks and ready to go any day now and we’ve started talking about weight loss again after he’s here.

My husband wants to start skipping meals again and doesn’t plan on working out. He’s sitting at 295 and I’m at 184 currently. I lost 15 lbs through my pregnancy and I’ve just now surpassed my prepregnancy weight. Before all of this when I was super into macros and working out and such I would read articles and watch videos and do my research and he was never that way. He just did cardio for 3-4 hours (mostly basketball) and would eat one chicken breast at dinner. He’d weigh himself at least 8 times a day. He had to be eating MAYBE 1000 calories a day.

I’m trying to be supportive of my husband and I told him my concerns since he lost so much muscle last time and he only has one uniform now for work. So he has more fat now at his current weight than he did before at his highest but he’s so stubborn and I’m just worried about his health if he makes a drastic change like that again.

I had to set my macros because of the drastic change in weight + accommodating for breast feeding and went ahead and figured up his too and he says it’s “too much”.

Would you just sit back and watch him lose weight as he sees fit and do your own thing? I just wonder what other wives would do in this situation because I feel like I’m failing if I’m not taking care of him. Any advice is appreciated.

Thanks!