I’m scared for my soul 😔

I grew up very Catholic. Still have those same morals and beliefs. But I ended up disobeying and lying to my parents, and moving out and in with my boyfriend. We have frequent sex. And now have a child on the way. Although I’d say other than this I am a good person and treat people kindly, ect... I feel like this era in my life has put me in danger. I know this sounds dramatic... but I knew God’s word, and turned my eye on him and made all of these sins. I feel like I can’t go and confess my sins because even though I am very sorry towards God, I know I won’t change my living habits, especially since I have a baby on the way. Our child needs to be number 1 priority despite my guilty conscience. I am extremely sorry about my choices and cry almost every night about it. I have extreme anxiety and depression because I failed God. I feel like since all of these mistakes, I’ve lost sight in the true God. I feel like if I go to apologize, then I am no better then Judas apologizing to Jesus, kissing him, yet turning him in. I constantly feel like I relate to Judas because of my situation. I feel like In today’s generation it’s nearly impossible to live by the book. All of my life I could see a clear picture of my future and me dedicating my life to God, but it didn’t turn out like that. Im almost afraid to talk to God because I feel like it’ll be a joke anything I say to Him. I feel like I can’t live in sin, and have God in my side. Ive lost sight in my knowledge of God. I guess I feel like I don’t know who He is. Although I feel my feelings are valid, I’m hoping I’m wrong. I hope God can accept me and be here for me during this time. I’ve made mistakes but I have always held God close to my heart. And I hope despite my mistakes and living situation, that my perception of God is a little off and that I’m not a failure and hopeless like I feel.