I don't have the energy

My baby was in the 99% weight and height at birth. He is still so big and heavy for his age. But now that he is more active, he is also strong. The irony being am very thin and weak but I had a big and strong baby.

More and more my back hurts, I keep on pushing forward. Carrying him in hard and he loves being close to me.

At night, I got tired of carrying him from his bed so I got him in my bed. Then as he got heavier, I got tired of shaking him back to sleep so I offer my breast. It works fast and he is down again within 3 minutes. I know it is bad but when I try to hold him, he can stay like 10 minutes before he accepts to sleep.

People visit me and they can't carry him standing. Usually after 3 minutes they give him back because they feel his weight in their backs.

Then sometimes am tired emotionally. My husband is away so I do everything alone. It is hard. I can't sleep train because I don't think I even have the strength emotionally and physically. I can't handle a crying baby on top of what I have to deal with right now...so we suffer.

But am afraid I am training bad habits because I don't have the strength to train the "good" habits.

I don't feel weak. I think am string for doing this alone and keeping a positive attitude. But my back hurts, my memory is suffering from the sleep deprivation and my nipples...hmm.

I don't know how I will handle if this boy keeps getting heavier as he grows. I keep hoping he will lose weight when he starts to crawl.

Send me some tips please.