I have very conflicting thoughts on marriage

This is about me and mine. Not about anyone else period. I’m trying to figure out what’s best for me and what I want. I am 23.

On the topic of marriage. Marriage can mean so many different things for different people but in general it’s a declaration of love. I can’t decide if I want to be married though, but the idea of calling him my “boyfriend” for the rest of my life is 😒 “forever boyfriend.” 🤢😒no. So what do I call him? There is nothing else. There’s boyfriend, fiancé, and husband. I cannot decide if I even care honestly or if I’m only thinking that way because it will gain more respect towards our relationship from other people if we get married. 42-45% in marriages end in divorce. Who cares if he’s a forever boyfriend? IDK if I care. I’m trying to figure out what marriage really means to me. In hindsight all marriage really is, is legally binding two people. Walking down the isle and signing paper and changing your name does not make a marriage, the 2 people do.

if he were ever in an accident and in the hospital I wouldn’t have the right to see him or know what was going on because I’m not his wife or family. I would need permission from his family if he was unable to do so himself nomatter if I’m with him for 100 years they wouldn’t let me in. Big con.

His grandparents have been together for 50 something years and they are not married, yet they are as happy as can be.

My aunt and uncle, married for nearly 30 and as happy as can be. Their marriage is the only successful, long and happy marriage I have ever seen. I see them as one and cannot imagine them ever being apart. Adding more to this one because they helped raise me and I know them more. But that’s them, that’s anecdotal evidence just like my boyfriends grandparents.

It should not be this hard to figure out, most people just get married because that’s what people do. Why do I think about things this hard. Also, I am not religious at all. Please, do not bring that up here because I will definitely ignore it as it does not apply to me. If you’re wondering about him, we’ve talked about it and he says it’s up to me. He wants to but it’s not a huge thing, marriage was not that big of a deal to his family so it’s not an obligation.

Did any of you struggle this much with it?