—DISCLAIMER— I know i can’t control what he does or what he looks at, but the fact he lies to me about it makes it even worse.

before everything happened i thought i was fine with him looking at porn because even I did sometimes, but just casual stuff y’know, look at it, get yourself off, close the porn

and then i went on his computer when he was in the shower and found that he had saved porn posts (accidentally) which were mostly videos or gifs of girls by themselves or just pictures of girls naked and my heart broke, i started crying instantly, and i closed everything

he got out of the shower and came back and was wondering why i was crying and i told him and he was very understanding because we had never talked about porn before and he removed all of the posts

i thought everything was fine but a few weeks later i was looking and saw he had more things saved, didn’t tell him i saw, just talked to him about it and he reassured me he removed everything and doesn’t look at other girls naked. obviously LYING to my FACE. but i just let it go

a few more weeks later i was in a very bad mood, on my period, feeling shitty, we had a long talk about the porn and him looking at other girls naked and how it made me feel like I wasn’t enough for him, like why do you feel the need to SAVE posts of naked girls that ARENT ME. obviously i’m not enough for you, he then reassured me some more that of course i’m enough for him and i’m more attractive than any random girl on reddit, and he didn’t know that it made me this upset about it and he wouldn’t do it anymore, and that he stopped saving posts of naked girls (which was a lie)

(we were long distance at this time) we had phone sex the night we had the talk about porn for the first time in a few weeks, y’know naughty talking, naughty pictures, for FOUR HOURS. i thought it was great.

Literally the NEXT DAY. the day AFTER OUR TALK, and after GETTING NAUGHTY PICTURES AND VIDEOS OF ME, and him saying he would stop doing it. He saves another post of a girl oiled up riding a dildo. Amazing. Way to LIE TO ME AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT, THANKS👏👏.

I don’t want to bring it up to him again because he gets upset every time i do since he tells me every time that he stopped doing it and gets mad that i don’t believe him, but i literally KNOW that he hasn’t, but he doesn’t know that i know he’s lying to me. I’ve cried for hours about it and it makes me feel so insecure, and he knows this.

I used to think that I was fine about porn because yeah it’s normal?, but only in the casual sense, and just randomly watching videos of people having sex when you’re horny, but videos or gifs or pictures of naked girls by themselves makes me feel like absolute shit, it’s not like I don’t send him stuff or do things with him so I don’t see the reason for him to feel the need to saved posts of other naked girls and jack off to them? 🤡