I Learned My Lesson

So, I am 33 years old and my boyfriend is 27. We have been together for 4 years. We brought up marriage before and kids, but we still have not had any actual serious discussion about either topic. The farthest it goes is, “Yeah kids someday will be nice,” and, “Marriage is nice but I want to be ready to support a family before we can ever get married.”

I hate telling myself this but, 4 years with the same answers is telling me he will not be ready anytime soon. And it sucks because we love each other so much and we are very compatible...BUT we are on different levels of our relationship....when I thought things may grow overtime, my plans still seem to be more advanced than his.

Now I have been kicking myself for allowing me to hit it off well at the beginning with my boyfriend, who is 5 or 6 years younger than me! I should have been more mindful that since he’s younger, our relationship expectations may differ at some point...but wait, we did discuss our expectations at the beginning and we both wanted the same exact things. So why am I closer to wanting marriage and kids at this point than he is? We have both been together for 4 years, you’d think some future plans would have already developed. Could it be my age? If I was still 27 I am sure I’d still be okay to wait a few more years until I freak out about my biological clock.

I don’t know....I wonder if he agreed to my expectations at the beginning because initial attraction tends to make your emotions sway more toward a certain direction?

Well, I learned my lesson and sometimes I wish I could rewind the situation and just remain friends with him in order to avoid a road block like this in the future that could end up hurting us.

I do still love him, and we are both still in love with each other...and we make each other happy. Our relationship is still great, but I don’t really want to wait forever to have kids or get married, or one of the two.