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Question

So, I’m pregnant with my first child. Only 12 weeks. I’ve been hesitant about having children because I see so many parents complain all.the.time about how bad it is- the stress, no sleep, the fights, the finances, the this and that. It seems like all these people on my Facebook just share posts and make statuses all the time about the struggles; I rarely see the good stuff. 
Just now I read one about how lost this lady feels. How she doesn’t know who she is any more and how depressed she is. And how she just doesn’t know how to find herself again. 
Honestly, all of this makes me nervous. Is it inevitable? Does it happen to everyone? Is there a way to prevent it? In general I’m a happy person. Even when I’m stressed or tired, I generally do a good job of not letting things get me down. I try to take care of my own well being even when I am taking care of others. I know that I have zero idea what I’m getting into by becoming a parent for the first time so that’s why I’m coming here. Please tell me that not everyone is depressed, miserable and lost- that it can be avoided somehow.

Answer

Most women just experience baby blues. They last from a few days to maybe up to a few weeks where you feel emotional and sad. Can be caused by hormone fluctuations. But you get back to your normal self pretty soon. I have pretty bad post partum depression and anxiety but I’ve had depression and anxiety years before having my baby. It’s just different this time around. Not everyone experiences this. And even if you do, you can talk to your doctor. Despite my poor mental health, I don’t regret having my baby at all. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn’t change it or her for the world.

Answer

I’m a SAHM and I don’t cry in the closet or struggle to get through the day. I’m not overwhelmed and I haven’t loss myself. I’m generally happy and comfortable in life. I’m excited for what we’ve accomplished and what’s to come. My daughter and I do a lot of stuff outside of the house and we spend a lot of family time together and travel a lot ... we have fun together in general.

Answer

Being a mom is extremely hard and emotional. Yes. It also comes with so much good but no one needs to vent about the good things. We only really need to get the tough stuff off our chests. I think you're just seeing real life venting.
My list of hardships may be long but it's nothing compared to the weight of the love I feel. The laugher I experience. The pride i have every day.

Answer

I'm hella depressed, but I was before I had kids haha. So is not because of them. My husband is an equal partner in parenting so I'm not as stressed as I would be (even with him working 10 hour shifts, he helps as much as he can and ensures I get a me day whenever I need one). Finances aren't an issue at all since he's very well paid. It can definitely feel lonely at times, but it's because we moved to a new state so I don't get girl days anymore and I miss those. Being a mom is hard. There are times where I've cried in the closet. But I definitely experience way more good times than bad and I adore my kids so much to the point I cry sometimes when it's their bedtime because I don't want them to leave me haha

Answer

Being a mom is hands down the BEST thing I have ever done. I do not regret it for a split second. It is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done but the benefits FAR outweigh the cons. I think many times people just like to complain and “one-up” their hardships. Everyone always says “wait until you have a baby you’ll never sleep again” or “You think you’re tired now? wait until you have TWO kids it’s so much worse!” or “We had a perfect marriage before we had children. It all went down hill after that” I feel like most of those are gross exaggerations by people who need justification/acknowledgement for how hard done by they are (especially on social media). That being said there are some people who are legit suffering from postpartum depression which makes every day a struggle and need to be treated but that is usually not the people posting on FB.  To be honest I stopped listening to all the horror stories. When I look at my 15 month-old’s little smiling face, or he runs up to me and gives me a big hug and kiss it makes every struggle and every sleepless night seem menial. When I watch my husband playing and bonding with his little boy and I see the true love and admiration our son has for his daddy it makes any argument we’ve had due to fatigue seem ridiculous. We are SO BLESSED to have this tiny human in our lives. I would do ALL OF IT over again with zero regret. It is so worth it!

Answer

there’s so much i want to say about this, i was in your shoes two years ago when i found out im pregnant with my first people would only talk about the negatives of everything im going to be honest with you i hated kids, babies all my life i didn’t want to have them i felt inadequate but as soon as i held my daughter i would’ve given my life for hers it’s surreal and i believe the only true love there is the purest regarding your concerns it is difficult but nothing you cant handle there are definitely more joys see them grow day by day you feel proud of yourself i’ve been a person who never sacrificed their sleep for anything and i haven’t had an undisturbed sleep in two years but i wouldn’t change it for the world its the best thing in the world i know you must hear that a lot but it truly is dont stress over take it day by day you’ll figure it out being a mom is amazing it’s the best thing i’ve done ( coming from someone who never held a baby her whole life until my own) you got this mama💕

Answer

I’m a SAHM and I had the baby blues. I had bad days. I’m generally a happy person but days I felt so down and gloomy. But that’s just life. At the end of the day, you make the experience the way you want it to be. It’s not easy. Being a parent is never easy. But it’s beautiful. It’s a blessing. Even with all my hard times, I wouldn’t trade being a mom or having kids for the world!

Answer

Everything is totally different. I was very devoted to my career before I had him, worked extra hours, went to all the conferences I could, put in all the extra. And I went to concerts in my free time. Now, I go to bed early because I’m exhausted after a full day of work and doing all things baby before and after. Do I occasionally wish I could have another glass of wine, but don’t because I don’t want to even come close to the possibility of a hangover? Yes, but I’m ok with it. Do I wish I could have done the hot air balloon zoo tour, but settled for the cart safari instead because that’s what the baby was allowed on? Yes, but it’s ok. We can come back and do the balloon when he’s older. I have really made it a point to continue exploring my world, traveling, seeing friends. It all just requires some modification now. And the happiness and joy I get from watching him figure out a new thing is so wildly awesome that I’m ok with what I have temporarily given up. Parenting  is hard work, but it’s SO worth it! For the record, I was hesitant as well, but it’s honestly the best choice I’ve ever made :)

Answer

Hi! So for me, it was the opposite. I found myself and my life's purpose when my little girl was born. I've dealt with mental health issues my whole life and, while my daughter didn't magically cure them, she gave me a reason to fight harder and get better. Of course, I adore my husband and want to spend forever with him, at the end of the day, he's an adult and would be okay without me. My little girl on the other hand, would never understand why mommy didn't come home and would never understand that it wasn't her fault.
I was lost before she came. I felt as though I was just drifting and would be forever. Now I know that I was meant to be a mom.

Answer

It’s a hard thing to do but the absolute best and most rewarding. Once I had my first baby it’s like I changed. I’m still me but I grew another piece of me. It’s like I evolved and joined a club that only others in that club know exactly what you’re going through. The amazing thing I realized too was that I wasn’t alone and almost every other parent goes through exactly what you do too, the good and the bad. Being a parent is hands down, nothing can compare to it, the most amazing life changing thing that will happen to you. How I see it is that the good is good and even the bad is good.

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