My husband and I are basically newly weds. But life happened and the wedding came 4 years after the baby. And I learned to accept it is what it is. But for a few years I have struggled with a high sex drive and his low sex drive. I have seen posts on here of couples opposite so I’ve got the opinions from the low sex drive partners and I realized how cruel I was being to him. I changed and since our wedding things have been good. We compromised to once a week (which is what I think would be ideal for a married couple with a child) but with his rotating schedule it’s more once every two weeks. Which is so much better than the once every six weeks and that was only after I begged. And most of the time it’s not about sex which i have told him this, Marriage needs intimacy and so usually it’s cuddling instead and I’m okay with that. I just want to be close with him.

This past week has been really rough at work. And I haven’t seen him in a week and a half. I work 7:30am-4:30pm and he worked 3pm-11pm.... he was off Wednesday and Thursday. Well those two days I was overly tired and was not in the mood and gave no indication I was. I always have to initiate things or “schedule” it. Which I’m not okay with but I’m learning it’s easier for him. It’s a huge blow to my ego but I will never let him know that.

Anyways Thursday night comes and he is all touchy feely Wed and Thurs so at this point I am thinking “hey he’s going to be spontaneous! Hell I am not in the mood crap I need to get in the mood I don’t need to ruin it for him” well the fourth hug (this is rare) he goes we can have sex tomorrow night okay?

I am now confused and just look at him before saying “it’s okay I wasn’t in the mood we don’t have to if you don’t want to”

He says “well I’ve worked the 3pm-11pm shift I know you want some dick” and I sort of change the subject because I’m a little hurt. I know he’s doing something he probably doesn’t want to and he’s only doing it to please me and I now feel like shit..... I look back and realize that I doubt he wants sex at all. He only does it to please me. I recently found out that he pleases himself which I am definitely okay with, he knows I sometimes have to do it, but I do it because I do not want to force him, he wouldn’t be doing it not to force me, I would gladly do him anytime anywhere. But it hurt knowing he does that when we haven’t had sex so I am back to my original thoughts of it really is me. It wasn’t like this before I gained weight in the pregnancy. And he has told me he looks at me differently. He sees me as the mother of his child and he doesn’t want to “fuck” me because he feels weird because of that. Which hurt to hear.

So I am back to the whole I need a good body to get my husband excited. I mean there is a full bottle of viagra he bought (he doesn’t have a problem getting it up he says, but apparently it’s not as big as it used to be? And I forced him to go to the doctor for this before the wedding so he got the bottle) then conveniently left it in the truck for our honeymoon (we flew). And we did it once the Wednesday after our wedding. Didn’t even have sex the night of our wedding. Which I said for months before that’s all I asked I believed in traditional things and felt it was bad luck to not do it the night of our wedding. I had lingerie for the honeymoon too and it was wasted. I threw it all away. He never acknowledged it. He refuses to take any of the pills. I try spicing it up and he goes “I like what we normally do. Let’s just stick with that”

Normal for us is us planning a night, at last minute after hours of being in bed when I’m sleepy and pissed off he goes “you going to bed?” I usually mumble and he says well get it hard and we can have sex. I just want to burst into tears. He doesn’t find me attractive!!! He doesn’t see me as his wife. It’s more like I’m his best friend. Which is fine I just want to be wanted for once. I want it to be like it was when we first started every once in a while. I just want him to want me so bad he needs me right there. I just want him to take it instead of always give it. 😔