My parents believe the only mental illness that exists is being gay.(because they are stupid) Meanwhile I’m over here having panic attacks and struggling with suicidal thoughts and self harm and like... I always thought this was normal and then somewhere along the line I figured out “oh... I probably have depression and anxiety. Which in fact is not normal. Huh.”

I want help but I can’t really get it because there aren’t really any adults I trust enough to ask to help. And after I confided in my friends the less intense side of my issues they left so now I have trust issues, too.

If I tell anyone they’ll hate me (and/or tell my parents which would earn a 3+ hour lecture on how I’m ungrateful and make them feel like terrible parents, which happens anytime I’m upset because they are terrible parents) and if I tell no one I’ll still hate me and still feel like everyone hates me regardless of whether I tell them or not.

So is there any way I can find some sort of counseling for free without having to travel (because I don’t have a license) and without my parents learning about it until I move out in 3-4 years?