Okay so here's my exact birth story. I was laying in bed Sunday night/Monday morning at 130 and thought it was so weird I couldn't sleep cuz I'm knocked out by like 1030 usually. My water broke out of nowhere then. I wasn't having any contractions though so I called L&D and they said if water broke I have to go in. So I haven't slept since the night before but we go in and I'm not leaking anymore or having contractions . So they check me and realize baby's head is blocking the water bag move it a little and more comes out and then labor starts.

I was only able to labor on my own for about an hour before excruciating pain started in my back . Like as if someone had a hot metal iron pressed against my back bones that they were trying to smash together. Well turns out she had turned herself Sunnyside up! So I got the epidural. I didn't know that getting the epidural meant they'd give me pitocin to speed up labor. I did NOT want pitocin I wanted my body to labor at its own pace because of what I'd read. Well they didn't even ask me. They literally gave me an IV started the pitocin and then told me. I had to go through all sorts of stuff to get her to turn back over so even tho I wanted to try and sleep to get my body ready to push a baby out I couldn't because they kept coming in to turn her. Eventually, 13 hours later, they check and I'm at a 10 and ready to push. Basically as they figure this out they gave me more epidural that I didn't even need or ask for. Then I start pushing and they're talking to me as if I can't feel anything when in reality I can feel the pressure and know when I need to push but they're telling me to push harder and faster so I do and I push her out in 15 mins. This is the first thing that I don't like because if they would've let me push at my own pace instead of trying to get her out as quickly as possible just so they could get me moved to a different room I may not have torn.

Well I did tear, the tear wasn't too bad. 1st degree only but the problem was that I tore on the inside and UPWARD instead of down towards the butt like most people. So peeing has been extra painful for me. But that's not the bad part.

So they move me to another room so that they can get someone else in my labor room. When the epidural wears off I can finally stand to go to the bathroom. I get there and it's so painful that I passed out. It was horrific. They called in 10 people I wouldn't wake up even to the smelling salts that they use to wake you up. Poor hubby thought I was going to die. When they finally got me back in a bed, literally just pouring out blood from the toilet to the bed, the doctor shoved basically an entire arm up my vagina which had just pushed a baby out and been stitched up to check for hemmoraghing. I've never been in so much pain in my life. She pulled out like 2 full handfuls of clots. My pulse was dropping into the 50s. They never really figured out what caused it but I passed out like that 3 times in total and my tears were made worse because of the way they handled all of that.

It's been a week and I'm fine sometimes and then other times I'll randomly get lightheaded again. My upwards tears are about 60 percent better but the inside ones with stitches still make it too painful for me to do much more than lay around.

I went from thinking I had a good experience to having had such a traumatic experience that I'm just now really getting to feel like I can bond with my baby properly a whole week later because I don't feel like I'm actually maybe going to die.

But I got the most beautiful baby girl out of it all and am finally getting to feel like her mom and not a sack of potatoes that gets to lay near her!

Daniela Catherine Kola born 1-20-20 7lbs 1oz 20 inches long