for around 2/3 years now i have been silently fighting anxiety and depression. it all started when i was 11, my then boyfriend broke up with me on our 6 month anniversary, that year i had been bullied alot for my weight and my disability. since then ive had spells where i feel worthless and that i will never find anyone who will love me for who i am. fast forward 2 years to 6 months ago, i had a seizure from the hpv shot, and since i have had symptoms of ptsd, and have been extremely anxious. i was recently diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, which my dad and stepmum think i am faking just to get disability benefits, and all my friends think im faking it for attention. ive lost my best friends. one of them had been my best friend since the first day of year 7. two weeks ago i was left with 4 friends. yesterday i came home from school with a text from one of them, saying she had to pick a side between me and the friends who thought i was faking it and she chose them. after i finished reading that text i broke down, i was angry and sad and felt lost and alone, i was punching my wall and self harming which i hadn’t done in over a year. i had this voice in my head, that i couldn’t control, calling me a stupid heartless bitch, i felt like i had done something wrong, i wanted to hurt myself to punish myself for what i had done to my friends. (i didn’t do anything wrong i just felt asthough i had) im being referred to cahms (therapy) for my anxiety but im scared about my depression because there is already so much going on right now and my older brother had severe depression and it hurt my mum to see him struggling, and i don’t want to see her going through that again. thank you for reading if u did 😕💘