When your boyfriend comes from a very supportive middle class family that genuinely cares about him and helps him through his problems and you come from two parents who never loved each other, got divorced when you were young, then your mom, who verbally and mentally abused you from the ages of 9-12 kicks you out to live with “your piece of shit” dad but its okay because it’s been a few years and you think you’ve healed because she buys you birth control now; and your dad, who now has full custody of you has a brain injury, therefore has trouble remembering simple things and has little experience raising teenagers because he was always working to support your siblings who were grown and out of the house by the time you were born and neither of your parents even wanted another kid and your dad actually suggested getting an abortion and the only reason your mom didn’t is because she had already gotten one shortly before getting pregnant with you so you constantly feel like you aren’t wanted by anyone except said boyfriend. And because your dad and you live purely off a disability check you’re classified as lower-middle, possibly higher-lower class, and you had to get a job as soon as you were able to so you could stop asking for money for wants and try to provide as much as you can for yourself because you were raised to be independent, but now you’re suffering from it because you desperately want to drive but you can’t even get your drivers permit because your father lost both your original SS and birth certificate and due to his brain injury, keeps forgetting to order a new one despite your reminding him, and you feel trapped and you just want to escape because you hate your life and you desperately want to die but you don’t because you hope that some day everything will change even though so far everything good in your life never lasts.
And now you have control issues, and you can’t stand restriction, and you would give anything to just be an adult because you can’t enjoy being a teenager like other teenagers can🙃
Not to mention the fact that I, a suicidal teenager, live alone with my very suicidal father who refuses to get help because “he’s too old” and I can’t mention anything to him without him feeling like a bad father causing him to spiral into a depressive episode!!:)
How did this start? Oh yes. I’m jealous of my boyfriends life.
Update: I don’t think you understand. I KNOW I need therapy. But me, being 16, cannot seek it by myself. School therapy doesn’t do shit and my father doesn’t think I need actual therapy. But thanks for the suggestion