Helicopter Mom?

I’m 22 years old. I live on my own, 3 hours away from my parents, and am mostly financially independent. I have a full time, salaried job. The only thing my parents pay for is my phone bill, just because it’s cheaper/more practical to be on their family plan.

I don’t have a great relationship with my family. They were extremely mentally/emotionally abusive to me until I was able to move out when I went to college. They are manipulative and textbook narcissists.

I text my mom every single day, and usually call her at least once a week. I’m the type of person that likes to keep my personal life private, and have never really had the type of relationship with my parents where I can “tell them everything.” I tell them about major things that are happening in my life, but don’t find the need to share every little detail with them about what I do with my friends, or the people I’m dating.

I have only had one long term boyfriend, and he did actually get to meet my parents while we were dating. I go on a decent amount of dates, but haven’t found “the one” yet.

I have been talking to a guy for a couple weeks now, but we’re taking things slow, and definitely haven’t made anything official yet. I posted a video on my snapchat story last week, and the guy was saying something to me in the background. My mother saw the video, sent it to me, and immediately started badgering me to find out who he was. She said it “didn’t sound like any of my friends” and immediately assumed he was my boyfriend. I brushed it off, and said he was just a friend. But she didn’t buy it. She started calling him my “mystery person.” She called me this week, only to try to get me to confess something about who the guy was. And now tonight, she just sent me 5 text messages, asking who he was, if i was going to see him again this weekend, telling me that if I want to make her happy, I’ll tell her who he is, that it’s all she could think about all week, and saying that I shouldn’t hide things from her.

I just don’t feel comfortable telling her about him yet, when i’m not even sure that he’s going to be a permanent part of my life. I also don’t feel comfortable talking to her about it, because the last time I had a boyfriend, she told all of my extended family about it without my consent or knowledge, and it was literally the only thing she talked to me about. When we broke up, she called and/or texted me every single day for weeks to say that she never liked my ex, and was I okay, and what was I going to “do about it.”

For the moment, i’m just ignoring her messages and not responding. I don’t even know what to say. If anyone has any advice about how I can get her to back off, it would be greatly appreciated, because setting boundaries is really really hard. 😩