Am I being disrespectful??

Question

So my aunt and I had a little spat the other day because when I walked into her home I didn't say hello to her boyfriend. This is a man in his 50s who is racist, sexist, and overall not a very good person to the core (in my opinion). I have heard him make racist and sexist remarks which has made me not only uncomfortable but pisses me off. He has "joked around" with my mother blocking her from moving (with her back against the wall) while my mom told him to stop. He thinks he's funny. I think he's a dick. That being said, I have no respect for this man and could not care less if he is in my life. However, for some reason my aunt is in love with him and thinks I should "respect her home" and say hello to him. I can understand to an extent but I don't know why she chooses to be with him over her family. (Our entire family does not like him at all). Am I being disrespectful? Should I just suck it up and fake being nice to him? I just have zero respect for a man who is that racist and sexist. I am an educated social worker that has little tolerance for ignorance. Any advise?

Answer

Being polite is pretty much required until he does something shitty to you. I would say hello and then ignore him and socialize with the rest of your family, when there are large get togethers. When he pins people against a wall, be vocal and tell him he's not funny. When he makes sexist and racist comments, tell him those aren't appropriate topics to joke about with family. People don't like being embarrassed, maybe if he's told to stop being so rude it'll make him stop. And I'm not saying to yell at him, but to just calmly treat him like a child who just said something inappropriate, and change the subject. With the rest of your family around, there's little he can do. And if he's crass enough to try and get angry or violent, I'm assuming there will be other males there to subdue him or usher him outside.

Your aunt may never break up with him, but if you still want to visit her, you have to figure out how to get around him, creepy as he is.

Answer

Yes you're being disrespectful. It's her house. It won't kill you to fake a hello. If you're not at her place, screw it. If you don't like his opinions then make sure you're respectfully disagreeing and make sure he knows how you feel. Then he won't like you either and the fakeness will stop. I did it to my inlaws.

Answer

You shouldn't be fake, but you should at least be cordial when you're at his house. Personally, I just wouldn't go over there anymore.

Answer

You don't have to have respect in order to be polite.

Answer

Big deal, say hello and carry on.

Answer

You don't have to respect him, but you need to be respectful of your mama. That's her household, and as long as you're there you need to respect her wishes. Does that mean you need to kiss his ass? No. You do need to be civil though, out of respect for your her. If you can't do that, then don't go over to her house. How would you feel if someone came in YOUR house and was acting that way towards YOUR man. If the tables were turned, you'd be angry.

Answer

I wouldn't "be polite" that's stupid. He's a douche. Treat him like a douche. Tell her to shove it.

Answer

Regardless of weather you like the man or not, it is your Aunts house and you should atleast respect her and her wishes. I cannot stand my Aunts husband because he refuses to let my Aunt see or talk to her daughter just because she's dating a black man, but when I enter their home, I'm respectful and always say "hello" to him and that's as far as our conversation goes. I don't have to like him or have in depth conversations with him, but I can/do respect her and offer a greeting toward him, because that's what she wants.

Answer

I have literally fist fought my dad's wife on multiple occasions the past 16 years.  I still either look at her when I walk in his house and nod or I just say hey. My dad and his wife know I hate her, but I still try to respect my dad. That is until she gets out of line 😉😉

Answer

I wouldn't even go there anymore. She'll take the hint when one by one her entire family stops visiting because who wants to be forced to respect or talk to an asshole like that!

Am I being disrespectful??

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