Messy Stepdaughter

My fiance and I both work full time jobs. We have a 3 year old child together and he has a 9 year old that lives with us every Sunday-Wednesday. Oh and I am 6 months pregnant. I keep a clean house, because clutter gives me anxiety. The 9 year old leaves a trail of trash everywhere she goes. I can always tell where she’s been, because there’s a trail of dirty socks, food wrappers, half drank cups, dirty kleenexes, etc etc. I never gripe at her, I will just ask her in a sweet tone to pick up after herself. I’m just sick of asking constantly. I have just gotten to where I avoid her as much as possible. I know it’s sad but when I’m around her my heart rate elevates and I get short of breath. Like today she pooped and didn’t wash her hands. When I asked her to go wash her hands before playing with my 3 year old she lied and said she did wash her hands... but the sink was bone dry. Anyway, I guess what I want to know is, is it unrealistic of me to expect a 9 year old to pick up their food wrappers and dirty plates and to wash their hands after pooping without having to ask them to?? I just need her to do it on her own without me asking