TTC sucks.

Trigger in post (mention of live birth)

I see a lot of posts about later in pregnancy losses. Mine were always early on. It took up until the last miscarriage I had to determine I had low progesterone. I was 16 (2007) when I had my first loss. Went for my ultrasound at 8w6d and they couldnt find a heartbeat. That was my first d&c (9/21/07).

I found out I was pregnant again in Jan of 2009. On 2/25/09, it was supposed to be my first ultrasound (I would have been 6w5d), i found out that the bleeding I'd experienced was a missed miscarriage and my womb was empty. I was heartbroken.

A year and a half later, july 2010, I had a lot of morning sickness and due to past events, I didnt get excited at all at first. My labs all came back normal for the first round. At 12w3d, I started spotting. I freaked out because I thought I was out of high risk window. Doc sent me for an ultrasound and everything came back fine. Found out the gender (girl). Started to get more excited. At 29w3d, I started contracting and found out I was already starting to dilate (1cm). They gave me meds to stop contractions. Same again at 34w5d except dilated to 2cm. At 38w6d, I was admitted and after midnight they broke my water to induce. After labor, when removing the placenta, the umbilical cord detached during removal. They said she was my miracle baby. I luckily had a healthy 8lbs 4oz 21in long baby girl who will be 9 on Feb 24 2020.

After her birth I decided to go on birth control (mirena) for a couple or years.

My husband (at the time, we have since divorced) and I decided to try for another child. I had my IUD removed in April 2013. I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks before christmas. Then started bleeding 1 week later. They did blood work and found our it was ectopic. I essentially had one option. To take a shot to terminate or I would be putting my life at risk. I had the shot on 12/23/2013. The anniversary of my grandmothers funeral (10 years to the day) so it made the day even worse.

It took me a while to get pregnant again after that. In may 2016, I found out I was pregnant once again. I had some spotting on and off but blood work was ok other than low progesterone but I couldnt afford the supplement. So I ended up in the ER the morning of father's day June 4 2016 and my body wouldnt miscarry naturally. So I ended up having a d&c.

A few months later (the Monday before thanksgiving), I found out I was yet again pregnant. But again started spotting and light cramping. Blood work showed levels going up slowly. I knew it was not going to be a good end. On Wednesday, I went to the ER, they did an ultrasound but my levels were only 600-700 so they weren't able to see anything. Only thing they found was free fluid in my belly. All at once, the stomach stopped cramping and the bleeding stopped. They diagnosed it as a ruptured cyst. On Friday I went in for more blood work and found out that my levels had dropped (but didnt know until I wen to the er on Sunday due to office being closed on the weekend). The inevitable was happening. I was once again losing another child. On Sunday I started having more cramping, but it was worse. When I went to the ER, they did another ultrasound and told me the results of my blood tests but the redraw they did, my levels went back up. So they knew what was happening. It was an ectopic. But with the fluid they wanted to do surgery to remove the fluid. When I woke up, they had told me that my right tube where the baby attached had ruptured. That was the pain I felt. The tube expanding then rupturing and that was y it stopped all of a sudden.

I was told it would be harder for my to get pregnant with one tube now plus the low progesterone. I havent been pregnant since. I would love to have another child with my new husband (been together for 3 years and married for 1), but the chances are slim to none. I pray every day and wish I would be able to see all 6 of my children grow up, but God had other plans. I am lucky to have my 1 beautiful daughter, But it doesnt make the hurt go away or hurt any less.

Still trying. If its Gods will, it will happen.

Thank u for reading.