I’m here to vent. Idk if I’m just overthinking things or what but some things have been on my mind.

1. Today was my second doctors appointment. I’m 12 weeks pregnant and got through the first trimester. My first appointment, when she was 8 weeks, her heart rate was 165. Today it went down to 156. Is it normal for the heart rate to go down as you progress in pregnancy?

2. At my first appointment, my doctor said that I didn’t need the genetic screening (NIPT test) because I wasn’t considered high risk (being over 35, family history of chromosomal abnormalities, etc). Well, after plenty of consideration, I really wanted to get the NIPT testing done. Because I have 4 people that I know that have Down syndrome children. And ALL of them are under the age of 28. I’ve looked it up and read many articles, and it says that there is always a chance that young people can have a child with genetic abnormalities. For me, it will make a difference if my child has a genetic abnormality. Believe me. I’ve been wanting a child with my husband for 4 years and we tried for that long and I finally got pregnant. But with my beliefs, I feel like if I can have the chance to know if my child will have a genetic abnormality that will cause them to have a very hard life or die early, I would like to just prevent that from happening. I would feel bad for continuing with a pregnancy that will end up with my child having a harder life of dying before me. I won’t bash other moms for continuing with their pregnancies for whatever reason. So please do not bash me for my decision.

My point is, when I asked my doctor today at my second appointment if I could just please get the test done, he said it wouldn’t be a problem and printed out the lab slip. But my problem is that his face showed what he was really thinking. He was just kind of cold to me about it. Like, I’m not trying undermine him, and he is a smart doctor, but almost all of my friends who got pregnant was always offered this genetic testing. So why is he so different about it?

Anyway, I got it done. I paid in full for it. The money wasn’t the problem. I just wish my doctor was more friendlier with his patients. It just made me feel like I was a dumb ass for wanting the test. But I couldn’t help how I felt.

3. I waited until I was 12 weeks pregnant to announce on social media. Which was today. And my doctor said that typically women who make it 12 weeks and up, the chance of a miscarriage is super duper low. And while I’ve always heard that, I personally know women who had miscarriages 12-19 weeks. I don’t know what the chances are of me having a miscarriage right now, and I know a lot of you are tired of hearing about miscarriages, but I can’t help but be on my tippy toes about it. This is my first time being pregnant, so I’m naturally going to question everything. But I don’t want people to make me feel like I’m dumb for being curious and cautious about everything. I know it makes me seem like I’m a needy person and a needy patient, but I can’t help it. I’m very respectful to my doctor and nurses and family/friends. But I just feel like everyone looks at me like I’m annoying when I ask questions.

I’m trying to be positive. I just don’t want to feel like I’m an annoying person who is tripping about everything. I can’t help the way I feel. Anyone else going through something similar?