It sounds ridiculous to be sad over. And I typically wouldn’t care at all about being left on read. I don’t care about much, nothing ever really impacts me emotionally, I don’t even remember when I last cried.

But a guy I’ve been seeing (casually, but it’s becoming more emotionally intimate) got rather frustrated with me tonight, I’ll take the blame in saying I didn’t explain the entire situation I was going through to him and it would’ve seemed from his perspective I was making a bad decision about something.

After he got angry about it, I eventually sent a message telling him what was actually going on so he could understand what was going on. He knows how incredibly difficult it is for me to express my feelings, I can’t even tell friends that they mean a lot to me (even though they do, I just can never say it), he’s already told me he cares about me, that I’m important to him, etc. And in my message I said the reason I’m so sad that he’s frustrated with me is because he’s the only person I actually care about and his feelings.

And well, it was left on read. And I feel like a massive idiot for expressing any emotions now. This is the exact reason why I don’t express my feelings, because it’d make me feel like crap somehow eventually. I don’t like people knowing they have a significant impact on my feelings because that power has only ever been abused in the past.

I feel so dumb, so incredibly insignificant. I don’t ever get these feelings because of other people, I hate I’ve given someone the power to make me feel this way. I was already having a horrendous night, but this just makes it all feel so much worse.

Why did I express anything? I feel so small.