mental health ?? idk

okay so this is really hard to explain bc i know how ignorant and problematic i am going to sound, but it weighs on me all the time and idk why.

I hate men. Like I feel like I actually hate them. I can’t be around them. I don’t like talking to them. I avoid them at all costs. If there are a group of guys standing around on campus I try to go the other way. I HATE when they try to talk to me. They make me uncomfortable.

and i have NO idea where this stems from.

I am not a victim of abuse. i haven’t had any bad experiences with guys EVER. i’ve only ever had one friend that was a guy and he was super nice so I didn’t hate him. but something about men just makes me uncomfortable. like to me they’re just mean and manipulative. i feel like i constantly see girls being led on and lied to. cheated on and abused by men. it makes me wary of them. (not saying girls don’t do it too bc they definitely do) whenever i’m next to a guy, i literally pray they don’t try and talk to me. i avoid eye contact and try to pretend they don’t exist.

part of me thinks this hatred comes from media. bc i see a lot of “catcalling gone wrong” and r*pe cases and stuff like that. and i think that knowledge has manifested into an irrational hatred.

where does this come from? i know how sexist and wrong it is, but it’s soo strong that it’s hard for me to change. what do i do?