A rant I guess?

So I’m speaking to this guy, we are friends with benefits because I’m way to scared in a real relationship, I’ve been on anti-depressant tablets because I was so unhappy even in a healthy relationship, he knows I love him and he takes it for granted, he talks to other girls and he knows I’ll keep coming back to him.. I really don’t wanna loose him he’s all I have.. he has helped me through my rape, emotional abuse, past relationships that were horrible, he’s just always there you know! But it’s the fact that I love him and I’m unsure about what he feels to me, my friend is an attention seeker, that’s the only way to put it! And she talks to him, he talks to her and I hate it, I’ve told her and him to stop but they won’t, she knows I love him. He leaves me on read, I start all the conversations, he convinces me he likes me, he cancels plans, but with other girls he’s all up for it! I don’t want to cut him off because I don’t want to loose him, can you help?