Things you feel while pregnant after 1+ losses

I’ve lost many a babe. It’s sad. I’m not going into detail on that though. But anyways. My husband and I were discussing the normalcy of certain things when you successfully get pregnant again.

1. Hcg tests make you wanna cry. Ever been tested every 48 hours for 2-3 weeks? Its awful, and traumatic and changes how you view those tests forever

2. You dread the first ultrasound while still being excited. You try to maintain that positivity but the fear won’t leave you until you’ve seen the baby and the fluttering heart

3. Every time you wipe for nine months you check the toilet paper.

4. Every single time they take the heartbeat at each appointment is terrifying. You worry for a day before, and in the moment the worry is 3 billion times more.

5. You take all of those dietary and other medical restrictions a LOT more seriously. I had sweet and low a lot with my first.

6. You have just as much hope as you do fear. You want this to work, you need this to work, please just... work.

7. Until that baby comes out and is happily in your arms... that fear doesn’t leave you.

8. You always want to hear baby’s heartbeat. It feels like home

9. You attach yourself to any other kids/pets/family members children you may have. They are examples of your hope and perseverance. They are your calm.

10. You feel like making a registry is comforting but hide it because you worry it’s a waste of time.

These are all such normal reactions and yet society tells us to get over it. There’s always more eggs and sperm.

It doesn’t work like that. It hurts, it stays hurting and you live on.

You can do it!

-written by me at 13 weeks