What are your thoughts

just wondering what someone would think who doesn’t know me or the situation. It’s a long read but if you have the time I appreciate it!

Grew up with an abusive mom. She was an alcoholic, went into rages, physically and emotionally abused me. She stopped drinking several years ago. I am also sober and in recovery so I tried to work through my issues with her and forgive, etc give her a fresh start. And I changed my behavior around her to be nice to her, not react etc. she lives in a foreign country.

I got married in 2018 and she came for the wedding, came through and helped me. She was negative throughout the ceremony, (she is frowning in all the pictures) but she did help with it. When my husband and I bought our house, she gave us a significant check that my parents had saved for a long time. She apologized for a lot of the hardship in my past, etc.

I was talking to her a lot more after the overall positive experience with the wedding and house and then started to be open with her about things I was going through. My husband is great, but my pregnancy has been rough. First I was puking non stop till about 19 weeks and then I found out I have complete placenta previa. He wasn’t really helping that much at first but he is now. I was honest with my mom about feeling like i was struggling when I was so sick and she offered to come help me. So she booked a ticket and stayed with us for about a month and helped us cook and clean etc.

Everything was going well until I saw some messages she sent my father (we were using her phone to call him). I shouldn’t have looked. However I saw she called me “retarded” said that my husband was a loser, that we are like two “regarded people living in a house”. While my dads responses didn’t challenge her, he did say it was important to be supportive to me if she could.

I ended up confronting her about this and we had an honest talk about the past, etc. I thought we were really making progress. Then I found out she called one of my 2 best friends (from since we were 14) to bitch about this stuff some more saying I married a loser that I’m stupid, I don’t know what all else. My friend told me.

I again spoke to my mom about this and basically politely told her it was inappropriate, she apologized I thought we moved on.

A week later I found out she talked to the only extended family I’m close to to say the same things about my marriage and about me.

I found this out after she left but I did not confront her about this I guess I feel it’s not worth my energy.

Then sadly just last week I found out from my other closest friend that my mom had called her to try to say the same stuff. Luckily, this friend did not engage with her.

As of now, I don’t have much desire to talk to her at all. I have tried to talk to my brother about this but sadly his response is only “hmmmm” or “I choose to let the past go with mom” so clearly, he doesn’t want to be of support to me either although in the past I’ve always supported him when he’s had issues with my mom. I guess now they are very close or maybe she has succeeded in turning him against me as well. My therapist said she thinks she has a personality disorder and that the family system is set up against me as a scapegoat, but my job is to focus on my future and the positive things in my life and not seek love or understanding from my family.

If you were in this situation would you confront your mom about these things, standing up for yourself? would you cut her out of your life? Or would you keep contact with her and just try to develop very strong boundaries?

Thanks for reading!

💗