Sorry that this is so long, I needed to get it all down in writing.

My family is Christian and I am as well, though I struggle with it sometimes. My husband is Catholic, though that doesn’t really have any bearing on the advice I need.

My moms sister is a devout Christian and has always been in good terms with me until last August.

My mom is a fairly controlling person who can have really bad mood swings, has thrown water glasses at the wall, gets really suspicious that people talk negatively about her behind her back, and during a project she worked on a few years ago, she threatened suicide twice.

My dad is a very easy going guy, a bit of a micromanager. But will just nod and let things go.

I would say that my worst/best quality is that I forget/forgive things that people did that upset/hurt me when I am with them, at a distance I can hold onto my boundaries and see that they aren’t going to change and not good for my mental health.

My aunt has always played the mediator part between my mom and I, she gave me ideas on how to deal with her and encouraged my dad to get her into see a mental health doctor(who told my mom that it was just stress that made her act the way she did, no one else got to talk to the doctor to tell them our concerns). We tried working it out with outside people, someone who does mediation exclusively and someone from our church, all things failed.

So my main thing I need advice on is that I had my son last August, he’s the first grandson on both sides so everyone was very excited. I did a home birth and as it was our first child and we had no idea what we were doing, we asked for up to a week with no visitors. It would give us time to figure out how to be parents, let me heal, get some rest, figure out breastfeeding, etc. If we felt comfortable before a week was up, we’d invite my parents over first since they live 15 minutes away. I told them this when I was 20-25 weeks pregnant so everyone had plenty of notice. I was happy to skype and share photos, but no in person visits until we were comfortable.

My mom was very upset, my dad didn’t understand. I gave birth early on a Saturday morning and mid afternoon, my mom asked my husband when they could come visit. He told her to ask me, but reminded her that we’d asked for a week and didn’t think it had changed.

We Skyped that night with them. Also to add, my husbands sister was staying with us(she’s 16) and was a huge help with cooking, cleaning, helping my husband and I get needed sleep, etc. she stayed with us from 3 weeks prior to the birth, and 3 weeks after. She also replaced me at my two jobs.

I got a text from my aunt on Sunday morning that pretty much read that I was depriving my parents of seeing their grandchild and really hurting my relationship with my mom and that the relationship between grandparent and grandchild was as important as parent to child. I replied that the week with no visitors was set in place months ago and that if people couldn’t respect my boundaries, why should I have them. My aunt didn’t really get it. My grandma called the next morning and mentioned that my mom was really upset and I told her the same thing.

My parents didn’t want to skype after Saturday night, even though I offered many times. We felt pressured, but ready, for visitors and had my parents come that Tuesday(they were two hours late getting there). My mom came again on Friday and tried to ask me why I hated her and how hurt she was, etc.

I do not hate her, but I also know that she affects my mental health negatively and makes me very stressed out. The church mediation we tried stressed setting boundaries and we all read a book called boundaries, which helped me a lot.

I do not like the way my mom treats people and I do not want her to babysit my son, which she sees as me hating her. My aunt never mentioned the texts we exchanged, but my mom complained to her several times and (I know I really shouldn’t have) I looked at their texts and my aunt called my childish, selfish and vindictive. I have barely had any contact with her since my sons birth. She knows that I didn’t appreciate her texts to me.

So present day, I’m on a car ride down to my aunts house to pick up furniture that she is graciously giving my husband and I for our new house. My brother is also with us.

I am at a loss of how to handle this whole thing, do I completely forgive and forget the things she said about me, do I keep her at a distance and treat her like a casual acquaintance, do I start a conversation about what I read? I know the Bible says to forgive, honor your parents, etc. and I really try to do that, but I also know that God doesn’t want us to be walked over and wants us to have healthy boundaries. If you got this far, thank you and please, any advice, Bible verses, or thoughts you have would be so appreciated. I hope it all made some sort of sense, I did leave some things out because it got so long and I’ll be happy to clarify anything