Hi Glow Community!

I’ve lost the weight before. I lost 40 pounds my freshman year of college and kept it off until now. I had my beautiful baby boy and lost the baby weight in 4 months. I’ve slowly gained 20 pounds back and I absolutely hate myself. My husband took the picture of me in the white jacket walking at a park. I sobbed. The dress with flowers was at a wedding and I remembered feeling beautiful, but once again, cried seeing the pictures. I’ve started to work out 1-2 times per day, attempting to eat healthier and being active. The next two pictures show me being active with my little one. The one in the maroon shirt was his cousins first birthday and I was back down down to less than pre baby weight. I hate myself for gaining the weight, knowing how to lose it, yet STILL not doing enough to get it under control. I do have a thyroid disorder that makes my weight incredibly hard to control as well. I have had an eating disorder since I was 11 years old and it has been very at bay since before I had my son. Now, I feel hopeless. I feel like I need to start making rash decisions. I feel stupid. I feel useless.

My husband is very supportive. He hid the scale yesterday. He encourages me and is so loving, but he doesn’t understand that I too know it’s crazy and unhealthy. I know I’m crazy, but I don’t know how to crawl out of this hole and it doesn’t seem to ever get to a point where I really need to act to change it. I’m struggling so terribly. 170 pounds now and 150 in the maroon shirt.