Am i being blind?

So i’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. he’s easily the sweetest guy ever, were so comfortable with each other and have a cute lil future planned out and everything, i 100% could see myself with him. we’re very compatible, like almost scary alike when it comes to our personalities besides a few things of course. for example, we’ve both been cheated on and have trust issues in a relationship because of it. long story short, i found out about a year ago that the first month we were dating he had a girl over at his house and they watched movies in his room and he fell asleep and i found out about it because he obviously never told me and i found out from her and she was saying how they had sex and all this crap about him cheating and stuff. anyways he swore on everything that yes they hung out and they had a sexual last together but they were just friends and nothing went further than just hanging out. but i went back to convos and i was at the mall that night when he had her over and he stopped texting me at around 6pm and didn’t text till 8am the next morning and i got upset cause if they were just friends why couldn’t he text me right?? so he says he just fell asleep and she got her own ride home and all that blah blah and for some reason i believed him even though my gut was SCREAMING to run away. anyways here we are today. i love him and he loves me. like he’s very very very attached. we hang out pretty much every day whenever i’m free. but the thing is.. he has no job. has been saying he’d get one for months but only hangs out with me and plays video games. which would be understandable is he was at least in school.. but no. dropped out of his first year of college a month in. says he’ll just go back next year. ladies, i am spending an unholy amount on this boy. when we first started dating i insisted because his family isn’t too well off and i just didn’t mind. but now he gets himself food whenever and i pay like always and i cant say no but jesus it’s adding up. but he WONT. GET . A. JOB. HES 19. ALMOST 20. he has depression and bad anxiety so sometimes his mental health gets to be very bad and he has to go to the hospital. he’s supposed to have gotten in contact with a therapist but he hasn’t. now, of course i’m always there for him. but i realized that for the last few months whenever i try to hang with my friends or make plans with someone else he’ll get very upset and even suicidal. but of course he says it’s cause of his parents or something but it’s getting to be kind of ridiculous. and after i cancel my plans for him he’ll be fine again. is this controlling behavior? and if he could have a girl over whos “a friend” then why cant i have a social life anymore? and how is it fair that he gets to go smoke and drink? is this a red flag be honest please! thank you if you read all of that