I need to know if I’m overreacting.

My husband follows LOTS of half naked/suggestive posing women accounts on Instagram. We’ve had the argument before (several times) of I don’t like it and don’t want him to follow accounts like that because it hurts me. The argument goes no where and I just concede because well, that’s what I do. I’ve tried to find my voice and not be a little mouse about things because if I’m not happy in my marriage, then what’s the point?

Once again I saw on his Instagram that he requested to follow some woman that posts IMO soft core porn images.

So I got mad at him about it. We fought about it.

My argument is essentially: “But you are unconsciously saying to me that you’d rather look at these random chicks whenever you possibly can in whatever app you open... That’s like you saying ‘no I don’t look at other women.’ (When we’re out in public where you can see, but on my phone hell yea I look whenever I can).”

And his responses: “Why am I not allowed to look at half naked people? I also look at porn and that's ok?....Why does everything I do have to be about you? I'm not attacking you or anything by following these people.”

He then said he would delete them because “that’s what [I] want.” But he doesn’t get the point. He doesn’t see my point of view. He’s doing it so the fight will stop. Not because he genuinely understands that he hurts me by doing it.

And to be fully transparent- he had an affair while he was deployed a few years back. I had our first child alone while he was deployed. He had a bad injury while deployed and continued to talk to the mistress until I finally told him I’d leave if he didn’t.

Since then I’ve seen no reason to believe he’s cheating again. But him doing the Instagram crap^ just brings up bad memories.

If you stuck around and read it all- thank you.