I know alot of people have suicidal thoughts and shit but I've never really been one to think like that when things get hard. But what I have constantly thought of is running away and starting over. I've never wanted to end my life since I'm religous and I believe in 2nd chances. Idk if thoughts about running away have a name for them or not but they had gone away for a while and they're coming back. This time they're hitting hard. Idk what to do with adam anymore. Adam has liked me over a year now and he's starting to force his feelings onto me. He makes me feel trapped. Like I'm obligated to give him some sort of affection cause he has "waited this long". It even scares me to think that I could possibly end up getting into a relationship with him just cause I feel bad. I don't want to Feel like this. I want to talk to him as friends. Like buddies. But no. Any little thing I fucking do to him apparently "leads him on" and IDK what I'm not and are supposed to do. Someone told me it's kinda "common sense" but I've never had to deal With this bullshit. I am so fucking tired of his bullshit and I just want to run away no matter how much I care about him as a friend. I will hurt him more if I stay. Maybe running away is the best option? It'll hurt him but the pain will eventually go away and I'll be at peace. Realistically talking maybe not. I'll probably suffer for a while to but I'll feel much better in the long run. If I weren't such a scardy cat I would've ran away by now. But I'm scared and I would never actually put myself to do it. I think about it tho..every. single. Day.

+ these thoughts came because he confessed that he loves me.