Not really sure what I need here

When I was maybe 4 or 5 I woke up to my grandma's husband on top of me I don't really remember if he was touching me but I remember my grandma yelling at him if he ever touched me again she'd kill him as I've grown I've always felt very awkward around men like they wanted me an I get this nasty dirty sexual feeling down there an I hate it I'll be 20 in a few months an that feeling is back I'm pregnant with my second baby an just anytime I think of her head coming out of my vagina or the fact that there's going to be so many doctors looking at me in a few weeks just makes me feel so disgusted an nasty down there I don't know why I kinda felt this way with my first but no where near as bad I also still just feel so nasty around any man even my dad help