An alcoholic’s wife

For other wives/partners/SO who can relate. If you haven’t been in it, you won’t understand.

My husband and I met in January 2015, moved in together August 2016. I clearly remember the first time I knew something was off. We’d been living together a few months at that point. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and i didn’t feel that way again. So figured it was an off day, and moved forward. Summer of 2017, my life changed so in turn my now fiancé’s life changed too. We bought our house. A week before, my dad was in a bad accident (bike vs car), we were getting married Nov 2017, and my sister’s mental health came to light. My dad got better, was a very rough time (still is with a TBI) and at the same time my sister’s mental health plummeted and she eventually went inpatient (then diagnosed bipolar I). Once we got married we started ttc, and well it didn’t go as planned. While going through testing with a fertility specialist, my husbands results came back with a liver issue. He admitted to the doctor he was an alcoholic and needed help. Now, I wasn’t naive, I saw the vodka bottles under the sink and had mentioned calmly they were disappearing quickly. But at the same time I was a social drinker, and would have a beer or two to unwind on a Friday/Saturday night. With everything else going on (I’m the oldest of two children), I now know I brushed it aside. My husband did seek help, went to rehab 4 times in 2019, but more life things happened that are/are not related but stressors nonetheless. My sister went inpatient again spring 2019 and committed suicide July 2019.

We had done

IVF

Spring of 2019, our son was born in January 2020 (a happy moment, finally!).

So all this info...my husband has relapsed once again. He knows it, he told me he needs to go to rehab again but now trying to figure out when now with coronovirus, and me returning back to work/daycare situation. I have not told anyone about his problem, I promised I wouldn’t.

Well yesterday I went out for less than an hour, I do this daily even if just a drive or a walk for “me time.” I come home to “your a douche bag”. I thought oh, he must be on the phone but odd he doesn’t talk like that. Then I hear my son cry followed by “you little asshole”. I lost it. I snatched our baby up so quick. He’s 11 weeks old. He wanted a bottle.

We ended up fighting, then calmly talking. We agreed he should find out when a bed is available and he voluntarily take the lay off due to coronovirus (he’s still working-construction) and do the 12 meetings of outpatient. We need this fixed. It’s not just us anymore, our son is involved.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling this morning. I feared what happens when I go back to work and he has our son for at least two hours. He admitted he had 3 drinks yesterday when he got home. Let’s be honest I’m sure 3 stiff drinks. I couldn’t hold back the tears and we got in a huge argument and I said too much. I said my fears out loud. I’m at a loss, I don’t know what to do.

He knows he has a problem. He wants to get help. He had wanted antibuse in january but it’s literally out of stock everywhere, we’ve called pharmacies and his prescribers office did too. I’m at a loss, I can’t shake this feeling. I do see a therapist, clearly my life is a shitshow. But I don’t know what to do next. I just want him sober. When he’s sober, he’s the man of my dreams and a great dad. But how do we get there.

Thank you for reading. ❤️ tips, encouragement, success stories, let’s hear them!