Circles

My boyfriend and i have our fair share of problems mostly never big things but i just don’t get it. He asked if its fine for him to go out with the boys and I reminded him that I’m pregnant and going out with a bunch of guys who just party all the time isn’t a smart thing to do rn so of course after a nice walk that we never take and a having a wonderful time he just says “i think I’m just gonna go out” so why ask me in the first place?! And then it was just one friend and it’d be a short while but now at 11:26 it’s more people and he’ll be out even longer. The respect for me and my opinion is just not there and I don’t really have a choice but to stay and force myself to just let it go because we live in a one bedroom and I’m pregnant with his baby. I have absolutely no where to go and i don’t have a job right now since i lost it before the pandemic and now since I’m pregnant it’s just not worth the risk to get a job I’m stuck and i feel like everything i do is a mistake. I want this baby with my entire being but he’s just so immature and a jackass... anytime we argue it’s the same thing over and over, nothing changes and it’s good for a few days but them bam right back to the same problems. Trigger warning⚠️ I’m sorry, I’m bipolar and therefore deal with depression and anxiety problems and though the thought of this baby needing me has cut off any suicidal thoughts I still always want to cut just for some release and it’s getting so hard to stay away from a blade...