Sexlationship?

Ok so I’m single but I’m kinda in a friend with benefits type situation. But we don’t act like friends at all.

It all started in January. Me and him were friends from a while back and his birthday was coming up. He didn’t really want anything but sex so since I kinda already had a crush on him I decided wtf let’s do it. So birthday comes. Mind you, I’m still a virgin at the time so this was more important to me. So we try and we probably got like 3 strokes from the back 😂😕 I gave him head and we tried missionary but it didn’t work.

Now fast forward couple weeks later. We fucking on a regular now Maybe like every week. I told him he’s not allowed to fuck nobody else but me bcuz I don’t wanna catch anything. You kno, logical. He knows I like him but he doesn’t want a relationship at the moment. It kinda bummed me but I was like whatever he’ll change his mind over time.

So it’s maybe a Saturday now and he all of a sudden wants to stop talking with me. I insist he tell me why because at this point I’m crying my eyes out. He confesses to having sex with another girl. I got so furious because I just didn’t know why. We sort it out and we cool. Maybe a week later I end up fucking someone else too. Total fail btw. He was disappointed in me but we sort it out.

Weeks later we get back to our bs. He confesses that he’s in love with me 🥳🥳. So we fuck again and we really start talking like we together. All cute and shit

Now about a month ago, one night he tells me that he can’t picture himself in a relationship with me. He doesn’t want to jeopardize the bond and connection we have. I tell him that that will never happen but he just doesn’t listen. We end up on the phone and trying to talk about it. I’m crying my eyes out and he’s telling me to stop. He’s basically telling me why he’s not ready for that type of stuff We end up talking it out and I thought we were cool. Two days later he brings it up again saying we need to stop everything and just leave eachother in general. You kno, part ways. I’m crying agai and this time, he tells me that I need time away from him so he will block me. I’m literally begging him not to because he is the only person I have fr. He ended up blocking my WhatsApp for two days but we still just sorta text on iMessage. Just hello gm have a nice day Shit liek that.

He unblocks me after we had an argument. We get back to talking and shit, but he isn’t in love with me anymore. We still talk to eachother like we together but we not. We act like a couple but we not. Idk wtf to do at this point and I really think I sound desperate

Please help a girl out in this situation bcuz it’s killing me knowin he can be fucking someone else and will most likely be in love with someone else too