Am I overreacting? (Long!! )

Quick back story: My SO came into the picture when my daughter was about 2. She is now 4. She loves him and they are bonded. She always chooses him. But! When it comes to comforting, she chooses me.

STORY:

Just about an hour ago, we went to give her a bath. She doesn’t like water poured down her face. I leave to go get her clothes ready while he’s telling her to put the cup of water over her head. Not mean but like affirmative. But then she starts to cry. And you know ur kids have different types of cry(like a bratty I don’t want to do it cry and then there’s the cry cry like if they got scared or badly hurt. Welp, when I heard that scared scared cry, I ran to the bathroom to see why.

Water was being poured over heard so constantly that she’s now she’s agitated. Here the convo

Me: what’s going on? Why is crying like that?

SO: bc I keep telling he to put the cup over he face.

Me:okay well stop. She’s scared now. Look at her!

SO: well she’s I splash water at her all the time and she never gets scared. Plus, she can’t cry for anything anymore. She’s gotta stop crying over nothing. Crying in general there’s nothing to cry about.

Me: (i look at her) babe it’s okay to cry. You are okay. You’re okay.

SO: (he tells her)STOP CRYING ! (In a hella firm way yes he did raised his voice) pour the water

Me: Stop! Don’t you see she’s scared?! (I tell her to stop pouring water, i tell him to step outside the door, him and I have a talk the door is open slightly so I can see her) she’s scared! She doesn’t like like she never ever has !! Why would she do something she didn’t like ? Why would YOU something you don’t like?

SO: I don’t like to work but I have to do it! I don’t like talking to other people but I still have to do it! FINE ! Take care of the rest! (Goes to the room and shuts the door)

Me: babe, look you have too take a bath ok? I’m not going to pour water on you. You are guna clean ur face and yourself by yourself. I’m guna clean ur hair, okay?

She is still scared throughout the entire bath. When we are done and she’s in bed, I go to my SO and say: “You can try to be more comforting, you know? I get that she’s tough and she takes other things easier like a fall or a cut(she doesn’t cry when she gets either of them) but if water is what scares her then that’s what scares her. Yes we can help her get over it but little by little not all at once

SO: when I try to comfort her, she goes to you ! So it doesn’t work for me and you going in there and yelling and taking it out on didn’t help!

ME: BECAUSE IM HER MOM. She’s guna feel a bit more comfortable with me! And bc you haven’t shown her she CAN actually be comforted by you without you raising your voice or yelling at her! And I didn’t tell at you or take it out on you. Did I raise my voice? Maybe that’s bc again I’m her mom I am guna protect her and I don’t want to hear her cry like she’s did! Im guna protect her at all costs! If she doesn’t like it, she doesnt like it period! Don’t keep going ! STOP!

End scene. Now we aren’t talking. But damn am I over reacting ? Do I have to be a less worrisome mom?