Please read. I need prayers, advise or some insight.
This may be a long read but I need to vent somewhere and no one knows me on here so it's easier. I am 21 wks with a little girl. I will be 26 next month. I have a completely healthy 6 1/2 year old. My pregnancy has been up and down since the start with a subchronic hematoma that eventually cleared up. Two weeks ago right after we announced they found an eif or shadow on the babys heart and I was sent to magees for further testing. Today the shadow was still there, I was able to identify it when it was on the screen myself, but was told her heart doesn't have any defects and looks fine. I was in such a happy mood. Then the ultrasound tech walked out and came back with her boss who started to almost jokingly tell me she was there to be the bearer of bad news and that my baby also has an echogenic bowel. I spoke with the genetics department for what felt like an eternity, they took blood testing for Down syndrome, cystic fibrosis, and and cmv. I left with a heavy heart and tears I couldn't control. I was told "not to worry" and that the genetics counselor would contact me withing two weeks with the tests results. I tested negative originally for downs in the first screening and everything else is normal. Her growth and measurements all look normal but with 2 soft markers I can't help but overthink. I
I feel my baby, I love her and I've never felt heartache like this in my life. With my son I had an easy breezy pregnancy minus the fact he over stayed his welcome and was 10.8 oz natural. I would give anything to push out another 10 pound baby if I knew it'd be healthy.
I love my daughter already so much im just utterly devastated and her dad is confused and it's hard explaining the all the possibilities to him. (His work doesn't make it so he can join me for our appointments) I have been looking into all the possibilities and I will still give this child every ounce of love I have even if it isn't going to be easy, he doesn't exactly have the same thoughts in mind I don't think. He just keeps saying he doesn't want a baby with mental issues, though I do agree I will not let anyone else raise my baby, I could never have the heart to give her up, and I've wanted her for so long I will find a way to be everything she needs. Im just so confused and so worried. I don't know how to talk about all this with her father (and don't get me wrong he's wanted her just as much as I have it's just so discouraging to keep getting bad news and then having to sit on it and wait for answers only to find more questions. He's a great man and he's shutting down, I know that's what it is bc it's hurting him just as much as me) has anyone else been in this situation or anything similar? Any kind of information, advise, or prayers would be so appreciated. I feel so alone. I came home from my appointment today and just cried in my bed staring at the wall until it was time to get my son from school. The next two weeks are going to be a miserable drag.