Husband decided no kids for us 😭

My husband of 8 years came forward today admitting he doesn’t want children; we were supposed to start trying within the next year as we’ve constantly pushed it off due to him not being ready. He said he plans to have a vasectomy done after everything settles down with COVID, he admitted to lying from the start and is constantly apologizing and asking me not to leave him. But all I’ve ever wanted was a child, I’m so confused and I just don’t know what to do.

Edit to add: I’m sorry it’s hard for me to immediately step away from 15 years of knowing someone and 8 years of an otherwise perfect marriage. I’m confused, hurt, heartbroken, and so so angry right now; I’m honestly not sure where life will take me at this point but I can’t just stop loving someone instantly.

Edit to add: I definitely grasp the fact that the lying and manipulating is a huge thing, I’m honestly not sure if I’ll be able to ever look at him the same way again. I’m willing to try counseling for a few months just to be able to look back and say that I didn’t just toss it all away without trying everything I could. As of now I find it so hard to see myself starting over after all these years but I also can’t picture myself without a child in my life, its just such a confusing thought process. I am also worried and concerned for sure that is he can lie about this for years after seeing my longing with other people’s babies or constantly browsing through the baby aisle, what else could he easily lie about. It also makes me wonder why come clean now, I just thought maybe he was scared of the idea of being a being a parent, but now it all makes sense, looking back it seemed he barely was able to tolerate being around children but blamed it on wanting his own.

Edit to add: I feel I do owe y’all a small update and a few responses to something. For one; I do not plan to get pregnant by him or trick him into pregnancy, I couldn’t take away someone’s choice like that, no one deserves to be forced into parenthood when they so clearly don’t want. We managed a video counseling session and both found that neither of us want to give up our want to please the other so we’re most likely planning the course of divorce but due to the courthouse being closed unless it’s emergencies it’ll be awhile, we are doing counseling together and separately until then to see if something can be salvaged or if itsbest just to move on. I thankfully haven’t depended on him financially so if it does come down to leaving I can support myself for the most part, it’ll just be tough for a moment. I know I’ll get a lot of backlash from family and friends (both just and mine) for leaving him, I might even lose a few people out of my life.

Edit to add: maybe I should clear up a few things to maybe help understand better. We have been exploring his feelings in counselin; he admits he has never wanted children even from the start (says he hates the very idea of having them in our home), but he knew how much I wanted them and felt like if he wanted to be with me he could say he wanted them but secretly get a vasectomy and blame fertility issues when we started actually trying, he just never had the guts to go through it so he said he just wasn’t ready, he got tired of lying it seemed so finally came clean. We talked about our wants for children even as friends so this wasn’t a last minute discussion, he kept up the charade for longer than the 8 years of marriage, just so he can be with me, which makes my stomach twist in the worse way because how could I have not known. He’s being very opened with his feelings now and seems to be very remorseful but I’m honestly just feeling cold and numb towards him

Edit to add: I’m not looking to conceive or trick him into having children, if he spent all his life so far not wanting them then I don’t see it changing, I also don’t think I could have children with someone who thinks doing this to someone they love is okay, what kind of morals or boundaries will he truly teach them. I personally don’t even think I want to continue this relationship

Edit to add: ladies he brought home 2 dogs, a male and a female. He named them the names I wanted to name our future children, both first and middle names......💔💔💔

Edit to add: he came home today for lunch, announcing that he scheduled his vasectomy for next Friday. He said he would like me to go with him for support 😡 he’d also like to to call my doctor to discuss getting my tubes tied or the arm implant birth control, “just in case”. Ladies I think I’m just done, now that he’s made it know he doesn’t want children, he’s set on making it a reality and I just don’t think it’s a reality I want to be apart of. He also laughs at the idea of adopting or fostering, he said “if I couldn’t love a child of my own why would I love someone else’s”.

Edit to add: we’re not having sex or any type of sexual relations. We’re not even sleeping in the same room at this point in time, once the quarantine ends I’m going look for a small apartment to rent, he can have the house and everything in it honestly I care for none of it anymore. I do plan to take the dogs though because fuck him 😡💔

Edit to add: well ladies while in my lunch break at work I did a virtual tour of an apartment, I got sent over everything to print out and sign then drop off. I’m starting to pack up everything that’s mine or I bought, I’ll be moved out by the end of the month. Also for anyone wondering I’m still taking the dogs.

Edit to add: I thouht I’d give you ladies a smallish update. After talking with my therapist over video chat I decided that I’ll give everything a year or 2 to calm down and so I can get into a great mindset. If I haven’t found someone I truly want to settle down with then I plan to look for a sperm donor either personal or through a sperm bank to become pregnant just with myself and the 2 dogs. I would love to do that once I fully move into my apartment next week especially since I have a lawyer drawing up the divorce papers now but my therapist helped me see that I shouldn’t jump into something out of desperation. I truly thank you lovely ladies for sticking around for my story

Edit to add: guys my ex-husband has his vasectomy schedule for next Monday. While he’s doing his procedure some friends and I are moving all my stuff out the house, I’m taking everything I’ve ever bought; also still taking the dogs.

Edit to add: I’m taking the dog because this man is the opposite of an animal person, as well as I’m concerned what he’d do with them when he realizes I left as he says they’re not our “children”. They did no wrong in this situation so why would I subject them to a bad life, if I feel I can’t handle them emotionally then I will find a perfect and safe forever home for them.

Edit to add: currently working on teaching the dogs their new names. Though I don’t think I’ll ever use these baby names because they’re names my ex-husband and I decided on together, I don’t think he deserves the pleasure of knowing he got any kind of say in my future children.

Edit to add: my therapist did not tell me to stay in the house for a year or two, my therapist told me to hold off getting a sperm donor for a year or two. I would love to do it now with all the years wasted but even if I feel ready I know now I’m not in the right head space that a child deserves.

Edit to add: thank you ladies truly for all of your support. Honestly for those trying to shame me for wanting to leave my husband for simply not wanting a child is mistake; I was truly ready to try to work things out and see about continuing life as a childless couple. But this past week has shown me his true colors and he’s truly not even who I thought he was. Today I got a call from my OBGYN because he called her asking about how can I become eligible for getting my tubes tied, she obviously didn’t talk to him because she’s a decent individual but wanted to check on me because that’s obviously a red flag. I’m currently moving everything out of my house and into my apartment as my landlord let me move in sooner as I expressed concerns over my current living situation. I’ll be mailing the divorce papers over next week after my lawyer finishes with them as this as been the last straw. I’m not sure what is going on in his head to have made him change so drastically in such a small amount of time but I’m not comfortable enough with him currently to try to help him figure it out. Maybe when I’m out of this house and able to breath I’ll be able to offer some help but currently I just feel disgust and anger in his presence. Also for anyone wondering the dogs are doing amazing, my dumbass ex husband signed my names in the adoption forms so they’re legally mine, these 2 honestly has helped my emotional state amazingly so to everyone suggesting it I am not getting rid of them, they also respond to their new names now.

Edit to add: I recently just got a phone call from my sister in law; turns out my ex-husband is telling everyone we know that will list that I left him because I was cheating and wanted to have a baby with the other man even after he’s been begging me to give him a child. His whole family who I felt was like my own family seems to now want nothing to do with me and our mutual friends are unsure on what exactly is going on. My family refuses to listen to his lies thankfully. But ladies I’m blindsided yet again by this man...