Might be TMI, but don’t want to spare details for context. So Friday night, my husband and I had sex. He made a comment a few weeks ago about how “it’s always the same, we need to change it up.” So I did...we had sex in the kitchen a few different ways. It was great, but at one point he tried lifting me up and I asked him to put me down because I’m not comfortable with my weight yet. No big deal.....But then I saw on his phone that he watched porn Friday night after we had sex and after I went to bed....Was I not enough? Was he faking it so he could finish himself later? Did he watch something with role playing that I can’t do?

I’m not comfortable with my husband watching porn. He knows this. He says he doesn’t do it often, but that means nothing to me. He says “every man does it and you take it so dark and negative. It has nothing to do with you.” How does it have nothing to do with me?? Especially if he still has the need to watch it after we have (what I thought) was great sex. I feel so inadequate and so betrayed because the image of those girls is unattainable. I’ll never look like that and although I know it’s not natural, I’m super insecure. I have pretty bad anxiety about it and I’ll admit I take it worse than I probably need to, but to me it almost feels like cheating if he’s watching other naked women and jacking off to it. I asked him how he’d feel if I watched hot naked men to finish myself and he didn’t say a word...

I just can’t shake these insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. How do I cope with this? I feel like it’s basically something I’ll have to get over and forget about because there’s nothing to make it better. I feel like nothing I do is enough for him if he’s not completely satisfied with me. We have an active sex life too....we average twice per week and I think that’s damn good for having 2 kids and both of us working full time still. I’m at a loss.