I feel so awkward during sex

I’d like to start off by saying that I am in my mid 20s and I’ve been sexually active for roughly five years now. I’ve only been with 2 partners, the first was a guy that I was attracted to and even though I cared about him, he never cared for me, so in the end it was mostly just booty calls. With him I felt awkward because he was my first, he was far more experienced than me, and I have some confidence issues. Now I’m in a longer term relationship and I still feel awkward during sex or during foreplay. I’m constantly in my head thinking about how I must look and I can’t be in the moment. What makes it worse is that my boyfriend always points out how stiff I am or awkward I’m being. If the lights are out or if we’re having sex at night I feel more confident because he can’t see me as well, so I’m not so stiff and I enjoy it so much more, but men are visual creatures that like to see things while it’s happening.

In the beginning of our relationship my boyfriend used to always take his time to touch me, look at me, and admire me before getting down to it or if things were hot and heavy, he would talk dirty to me, which I liked. He doesn’t do that anymore so the little bit of confidence I had in the beginning has began to fade. I’ve told him that I like it when he’s more vocal, but I think he forgets about it in the moment. Things are different now and I’m not sure what went wrong or when it changed. He says that I don’t initiate sex like I used to and that’s true. I’m more submissive in the bedroom so initiating isn’t something I like to do and I also don’t feel sexy anymore or admired, which I’ve told him that. He tells me I’m beautiful and sexy, but he doesn’t show it like he used to.

I want to feel confident and sexy, but I don’t know how. I want to be in the moment while having sex, but I can’t get out of my head unless the room is dark. Please help me if anyone has any advise. If you’ve been in the same situation what did you do to get out of it? How do you become more confident in bed? Thank you for your help