Mum & partner fighting!

Help!

I’m a FTM to a 7 week old boy.

My mum has been staying with us since his birth.

She and my partner usually get on amazingly but...

She’s a helicopter mum. She often tells me I’m soothing my son wrong & has taken him from my hands without asking before when I’m settling him, resulting in me getting very upset. She told me off during my labour for crying etc.

My partner has been increasingly lazy since the birth of our son. He loves him but often plays video games for hours whilst I tend to our son. Here’s the catch 22. He will help (if I ask) but basically, he’s not very good at it. He can change nappies but is just terrible at settling him. He gets distracted and doesn’t have the appropriate techniques to soothe him. I’ve shown him, reminded him and even joked with him about his tone & volume of voice when settling the baby and that he needs to be more active in his settling, not let him “cry it out”. I don’t get him up at night anymore as he is too dopey and sleepy and has almost dropped the baby. If he drinks coffee, he complains to me the next day that he couldn’t get to sleep.

Tonight, I was heating up breast milk to feed my awake son (coz I needed a break from breastfeeding) & my partner was holding our son who started to cry a lot. As always he sat there blankly as our baby cried, eventually getting up when I prompted him.

My mum then swoops in and grand the baby off him saying she “just cannot stand the baby’s crying”. My partner gets upset and storms off.

Neither can see their fault in this. I again suggested to my partner about improving his settling techniques and playing less video games. He cannot see any issue. My mum thinks he needs to “man up” and even though it’s his son, it’s her grandson & she had rights too.

Now I’m stuck in the middle not wanting conflict. I want my partner to improve and my mum to be supportive but less invasive. I feel totally stuck now. My mum has informed me that she will only see the baby now when my partner is at work and is going home, so once social distracting finishes. I don’t feel like a good enough mum to do this alone!