What's happening to me?

I've been up for hours just thinking about how I got I to this mess. I'm almost to tears. I cant seem to get a grip on my happiness. I'm in a relationship with the most loving, caring man I've ever met and I feel so guilty because I feel that I cant give him the same back genuinely. I feel like I'm faking the entire thing because I'm numb. I wonder if I'm actually happy in the relationship or I'm in love with the idea of it. I have major anxiety about everything and I've been so down about everything recently. I dont know who I am or what I truly like. I feel like a shell of a person without personality. My brain is foggy all the time and everything feels like a present dream. I dont know what to do or how I got to this in the first place. I need help. I've lost all sense of feeling. I feel like I'm faking everything I do and going through the motions of life.

I did have an abusive relationship in all forms right before him. Do you think traumatic anxiety is behind this?