quarantine got me thinking

so like 1 1/2 years ago i lost my virginity to a guy i really trust but i didn’t want it to happen. so we were on the couch making out and next thing i know he’s trying to take my pants off. i vividly remember saying no multiple times in a panic because i was terrified as i had a past experience with my ex that it reminded me of so i was a little freaked out. i kept saying no stop, i don’t want to and i couldn’t get up because he was on top of me and i’m not the strongest person on the planet and while i’m laying there trying to get up saying i dont want to he’s saying calm down it’s fine stop freaking out and next thing i know he’s inside of me. i had to start crying for him to stop and it took him a minute of me crying and pushing him off of me for him to stop. i don’t know why i didn’t think anything of it at first but since i have nothing better to do in quarantine, my brain has been going crazy. i just wanna hear peoples thoughts on the subject because i don’t want to be the girl that goes around saying, he raped me, he raped me, but i also feel like there is something obviously wrong with this situation.