Back to Back Miscarriages 😭Help please

I feel so lost and am in total denial that my second baby is gone. How can this be real? I found out that I was pregnant in Sept 2019 and has a missed miscarriage ending in D&C😢. Now 7 months later 9 weeks into the pregnancy our baby heart stopped again💔. The pain is so unbearable, my soul has been ripped out x2 in such a short amount of time. When I look at my husband I think of the pain I saw in his eyes both days and it breaks my heart. My son’s has lost 2 potential siblings leaving him still an only child. My parents hopes of having at least one more grand baby is gone. At the age of 43, I don’t know if it will ever happen again or if I can go through this trauma again. I knew it was a risk at my age and logically I do know but my 💔 doesn’t understand. My heart feels like it has been ripped out of my body with all the pain I see. I don’t know how to stay present, I just wish I could get away just to have some serenity, instead this week will be full of doctor’s appointments, blood work, hospital registration and finally having my baby taken from me once again.😭. I don’t know how to do this... please if you have gone through this help me.