Am I trans? Idk

Question

I am born female and have always been a tomboy. I notice whenever my boyfriend looks at his gay pornography I find myself really wanting to be a man. I've had multiple cry sessions over the guilt I feel for not having a dick and balls. I even have gotten myself a packer and I ordered a binder. I may be fluid, I don't know.

Answer

It can be difficult to figure out, taje your time. You don't need to be sure of your gender right away, but it's good you are exploring it in a healthy context.
Over time and through that exploration it will probably be more clear what the nature of your gender is & what you want to do about it. 
I've been through some similar things, I can be feminine, but the voice in my head is male. I have wanted a penis since I was a young kid and am disphoric/don't like my vagina. I am ok with the rest of my body. The only pronoun/gendered term I feel disphoric about is "girl". I'm fine being seen as female, male, pretty much whatever. 
But I don't know if i just accept living as female because it is easier. I realize I am really not female, even if people think so.
I am definitely nonbinary... but occasionally I do worry that I am trans. I really don't want to be, for some reason it embarrasses me even though I try to be an advocate for trans people & don't have anything against them at all. 
I relate to the gay porn/sex thing. I like to feel like the man in a relationship or during sex, and I do like gay porn & visualizing myself with a penis. 
But I just consider myself nonbinary, and even if I am trans, I just want to live my life with my current body. Perhaps with the addition of a strap on occasionally. 
It's definitely an awkward way to feel. On one hand I feel like I am pretending to be a woman, on the other hand I'd feel like I was forcing myself to be a man. So I stay here in the middle, knowing I'm really neither, I am just a person.
Anyway, good luck figuring this out! It's difficult for sure 💖

Answer

You might be trans and fluid/nonbinary. Even if you decide that neither male/female is right for you as an identifier, it doesn’t mean that your body is the right match.

Am I trans? Idk

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