Feeling defeated

I struggle with depression and anxiety. Anymore in my life it just seems that every day is one depressing day after the next. I feel trapped by myself. Like I’m holding myself back. I see all my flaws I’m so self aware yet my ability to change into someone better then I have been just doesn’t seem to be there. I’ve never taken medicine for this and Ik my mom struggles with bipolar depression. I just want to be a better mom and wife and sister and friend. I want to feel present and happy I just don’t know how to get there. I’m 25 now and have been living with this since puberty. I used to feel like there were so many possibilities I was always so optimistic even tho I struggled with depression. My optimism is completely gone. My ability to leave my chair for other then necessities seems to be getting less and less. I love my husband so much yet I know he’s struggling bc of me bc I’m not being the partner he needs me to be. He does so much for me. Laundry,dishes, meals taking care of our 2yr old he’s like fucking Superman and here I am just stuck in the grey. I guess I just needed to vent a little. I just really want to be a better wife and mom. I can’t expect him to do this forever and idk how he’s done it so long already. I really do suck.