Unsure

So lately I’ve just been going through a lot of trials and tribulations. I’d say majority of 2020 has been downhill for me on all fronts. Work, relationship, friendships, family etc. it’s almost comical how bad things are. I think my mind has placed itself into a state where I’ve just accepted that bad things are supposed to happen to me. I expect them now. I don’t look forward to things & I barely talk to anyone because what’s the point ? 90% of what I’m going through I can’t just wake up do something about it and problem solved so I get annoyed talking about what’s wrong and how I feel cause it isn’t changing and who likes repeating themselves? I cry, A LOT to the point where I feel psycho because idk why I’m crying. There’s nothing that will happen and will result in tears. I’ll stop at a red light and boom waterworks. I’m not a weak individual by far but this feeling is debilitating and I’m not sure how much more I can take. I wish I didn’t wake up half the time and then feel guilty about feeling that way which in turn makes me feel even more worthless. I don’t really have a purpose to this post I guess I just wanted to write it down.