Any positive advise would be great... had my son 8 months ago... I had all these visions of what labor and delivery and the stay in the hospital would be like. I knew that things rarely go according to plan I was an extremely high risk pregnancy and delivery. I knew that a c-section and nicu stay for my little man were highly likely. That being said my labor, birth, and hospital stay with my baby were extremely traumatic. I had an adverse reaction to the epidural and literally could not stay conscious for the 13 hours I was in active labor. I felt pain but couldn’t open my eyes and I violently shook for the whole 13 hours. When it was time to try to push I only got to try twice before baby started to go down hill and they had to get him out right then. I barely remember them telling me they were taking me to the OR. They rolled me past the waiting room where my whole family was waiting for boys arrival. I couldn’t even tell my mom it was gonna be ok because I couldn’t stay awake. All I remember from that is the look of panic on my moms face as I went by. They made my husband stay behind to put the gown and stuff on so I had to go alone. I only remember getting moved from the bed to the table once we were in the OR. I remember them asking me if I could feel anything but I don’t remember answering. They had already started the surgery by the time my husband got in the room. I remember him telling me that everything was gonna be ok and then the pain started. My doctor told me to look up and I remember seeing this grey blog being held over the curtain and my husband telling me that it was our baby boy. The pain started off like a pinch and then the next second I was screaming. I just remember thinking “why does this hurt so much and why doesn’t no one seem to notice that I’m screaming”. My husband had to get the anesthesiologists attention and tell him I was screaming and that I could feel everything the doctor was doing to me. After that he started pushing all kinds of things into my IV and I blacked out after that. I didn’t get to see my son for 12 hours after I had him. Literally every single other member of my family got to see him before me. He was taken straight to the nicu and the night nurses wouldn’t take me to see him. I had to see what my son looked like in pictures from the rest of my family. After 12 hours I was wheeled down to see him but I couldn’t hold him. That had to wait for 24 hours. He stayed in the nicu for 5 days and the nurses were phablet the whole time. They even went as far as wrapping his blanket around his mouth to hold his paci in because he kept crying. Yes I reported it but no one cared. I even had pictures. Thankfully everything calmed down after we went home. I know there are women and families that go through way were than I did but I still get anxious when I think about it. Could I possibly have a mild form of PTSD? I mean that in the most serious way. Iv never felt this level of panic or anxiety before. Any other mommas go thought anything similar?